So, there's this girl. I've been seeing her, off and on, for three years now. In all that time, we've never been stable and happy for more than a month or two at a stretch. There have been rocky times. They've gotten worse in the last year. So, I decided to do what any guy would do: I asked her to move in to a new apartment with me. We signed a year lease on May 1st. It's June 22nd now and way past time for me to start chronicling this journey. I'll go back in fill in the history blanks as I post.
For the first couple of weeks after moving in, we were so in love, eager to see each other, dreaming together of how we would decorate, planning to take on the world as a team. Last week, I was ready to move out just to get away from the pain. A lot happened in between those feelings.
Have you ever talked to the people around you about your romantic relationships? The responses can be a mixed bag, but, by and large, most hear about relationship difficulty, assume the other person is "wrong" for me, and tell me to cut ties. The rare friend has invited me to look deeply within myself instead, bloom where I'm planted. I like this latter advice, and, over the last three years, have learned to, for the most part, not tell anyone about my romantic concerns.
Lately though, she is making connections with new people and pulling away from me. When I've expressed distress over our lost connection, she has told me that I should go meet new people too. This is a time when I feel very tempted to unload my pain, talking to the other people in my life. However, I still think it's a bad idea. Other people might be right. Maybe I haven't chosen the healthiest relationship dynamic, but I know I've chosen the woman I love, the woman I can't forget, the woman I can't just cut out of my life. She is my life in so many ways. So, my plan to is to persevere, keep my comments to acquaintances limited and positive, and dump my feelings right here in this blog.
We started off with a beautiful dream, and, in spite of the repeated difficulties, I am determined to end this year in love, having made progress toward the goals we shared. Wish me luck, and stay tuned!
